Are you happy?

I was struck a little while back when I read something Abraham Lincoln once said.

‘Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.’

I’ve talked to several folks about this, from a range of backgrounds, and perhaps it is not surprising to find quite a few folks who don’t agree with this. They are captive to their circumstances, and so their mood is determined by how well things are going in their life. Personally, I think that Lincoln was really on to something, and ‘how happy you are’ really can be a matter of choice. It is a question of adopting the right attitude in life.

I did some reading around, and started to experiment a little, and I found that simply adopting a different mindset made a massive difference to my outlook on life. I’ll give you my starting point in a moment, and perhaps you might like to experiment yourself. It would be great to hear how you get on. In this post I’ll just give five pointers that I found really helpful in developing a healthy mindset that has genuinely made me much more content with life.

1. Life seems to go a lot better when you are teachable.
I’ve found that there are people who are too afraid to admit that they do not know something for fear of looking stupid, and then there are people who are genuinely conceited and think that they know it all. Both are unteachable; one because of fear and the other because of pride. I have found that the most successful people in life do not suffer from either of these problems, and suck knowledge up like a sponge. In order to get on in life, everybody needs help. It is much better to try to benefit from the wisdom that is all around us, by actively seeking out those who can help us, and asking questions so that we can learn. When you ask for advice, most people will take it as a complement and be only too willing to help. Try it out – you’ll be surprised.

2. Life seems to go better when you are a giver not a taker.
Unfortunately, we seem to live in a culture where we are conditioned to become consumers. The trouble is, if we are not careful, a consumer mindset can put us into the mould where we mostly think of ourselves, instead of others. The trouble is, the more we consume, the more we want, and that cycle never really leads to fulfilment. It is much better to adopt a mindset where we actively look for ways where we can use our lives for the benefit of others. There is nothing quite as satisfying as doing something good for somebody else. Opportunities are around us every day, but I think that we only start to notice them when we have conditioned our minds to think that way. I’m not just talking about giving money to charity (although that is a good thing to do), but actually getting your hands dirty and doing something yourself for somebody else. Try it out – go and do somebody some good!

3. Life seems to go better when you focus on solutions and not problems
Pointing out problems seems to be perhaps the one thing that everybody on the planet is good at. Have you noticed that the younger a person is, the bigger their dreams are? As we get older we tend to get more cynical, so that if you suggest something that is a bit of a challenge, the first voices that you will hear will be those that point out all of the reasons for not attempting it. Those voices are often all it takes for most of us to give up. I have found that it is healthy to try out new things. If you want to try something new you should focus on the end goal and not on the problems that you will encounter on the journey to the goal. Focus on solutions to problems, and not the problems themselves and you will find life opening up a whole lot more opportunities for you. Don’t listen to the voices that say ‘You can’t do that!’ Prove them wrong and go and do it.

4. Life seems to go better if you are prepared to rock the boat.
I have observed that a lot of people are not happy with their lives, but they do not seem to be prepared to change anything because it is too much trouble. I cannot think of anything more soul-destroying. It is extremely liberating when you train your mind not to accept the status quo. However, one should be careful here. The path to a more contented life is found when you make positive choices to change your life, not negative (destructive) ones. If you do not like what you are currently doing with your time, find something more fulfilling to do with it. Take up a new hobby, learn a new skill, get a dog, be a zoo-keeper for a day – the possibilities are endless. Use your imagination and change your life from mundane and boring, to something that you actually enjoy!

5. Life seems to go better when you are not jealous of others
It is so easy to fall into the trap of trying to ‘keep up with the Joneses’. I think that this way of thinking is rampant, and is most likely why there is such an obsession with celebrities. We look at what others have got and are jealous because we want it. We can go through our whole lives comparing ourselves to other people if we are not careful, always worrying about where we are on the ladder. It is a massive relief when you train your mind to let go of that way of thinking, and simply enjoy being who you are. If somebody else is successful in life, be happy for them, don’t envy them. It doesn’t mean that you have to stop trying to better yourself, but you can do it without all the pressure of feeling that you are competing all the time.

So that’s it; five ways in which I chose to change the way that I think. It has really helped me, and I know that it can help you. It doesn’t have to happen over some protracted period of time. It does not have to be a process. It can happen this instant by simply making the choice to change. Folks really are as happy as they choose to be. Thanks for pointing it out Abe!